Domestic Violence

Ladimax Confession:
I Was A Victim Of Domestic Violence

I need to tell you a story that is difficult for me to admit but it is important to bring to light.

One year ago, I was the victim of domestic violence. I have not spoken about it before in large part because I counsel women on what to do if they are ever victims.

I suspect my story was like so many others. The night it happened, started like any other; friends over, dinner, wine, discussion. But too much alcohol caused the conversation to become clouded, loud and violent. I left the room in an effort to remove myself from the situation that was degrading rapidly but to no avail; soon after I was followed, then hit.

Ironically, the closed fist didn’t cause the most damage; it was the 24K gold ring, the symbol of  our relationship, that left a bruise on my chin and psyche.

That night, I had become a victim of domestic violence.

While I was more than capable of defending myself, as I teach women to do when in these situations, I chose to NOT fight back, knowing that I would cause more damage to them and ultimately my future.

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That ugly incident is why I support and all other organizations that work to end to domestic violence and sexual abuse.

When I was a victim, I faced the dilemma that so many do; should I stay or I go? Especially when that person you know and love says it will never happen again and that this was the first time they have hit someone. This all may have been true but why was I the one they thought they could hit? What was it about me that made that okay?

I teach women how to defend themselves and to not stay in abusive relationships yet here I was, torn about leaving.

For me, the abuse was both verbal and physical but it was the physical that left me in turmoil.  I remember thinking to myself,  “Don’t even think about asking me for forgiveness until the pain from the bruise on my chin is gone.”

All relationships have issues that need to be resolved and mine was no different. But I, the person who will stand up and fight for anyone abused, wondered how do I handle this? It would be the height of hypocrisy for me to stay in a situation that had devolved into violence once and could very well again.
In my case, I stayed because I tried to see the good in the person over the bad, which ultimately wasn’t enough; I never got over being on the receiving end of such violence.
My lesson here was this: If you cannot express yourself and be heard without your partner getting to the point where they feel they need to hit you, throw something or disrespect you, that is not the relationship you deserve. I don’t care what your job is, how much money you make or what you look like— you are worthy of a relationship where you are respected for who you are and valued for your views. You should be treated as precious cargo,  not be damaged in anyway—-mentally or physically.
If your partner comes in less than that, reconsider your relationship. Fast.
Be well, healthy and strong.
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